either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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