What did we do last night that was yellow?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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