god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
