Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
