so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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