I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
