is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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