sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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