Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
