he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
