u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
