I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
