I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
