and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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