I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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