um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
