I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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