there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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