No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
