very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
