Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
