did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
