i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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