I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
