..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
