i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
