i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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