I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
