i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
