I must be too annoying 4 u.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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