So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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