I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
