i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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