Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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