Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
