Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
