you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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