I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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