He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he puts the penis in happiness.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
