R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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