walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
