Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
