it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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