when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
