; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
