She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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