Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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