I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You took a bar mat shot.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize