That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
