YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
