I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
