you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
