Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
