I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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