Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
