he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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