from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
