"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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