Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
