Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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