zippers are such a cool invention
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
