They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
