...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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