fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
