I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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