why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize