I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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